Title: The Great Cannabis Conundrum: How Weed Bros and Their One-Liners are Totally Killing the Vibe!
Welcome, fellow connoisseurs of green goodness, to a fantastic tale of pot and patriarchy! Grab your bongs and light your lighters because we’re diving into the high-flying world of cannabis culture where the only thing that’s more baked than the buds are the outdated views being dished out by this “exclusively male” industry. 🎉
Imagine this: it’s 2014, and you’re stepping into a medical dispensary hoping to discover the green delights of the Earth. What do you find instead? A fifty-something “gentleman” who manages to confuse chi with chivalry. His epic line? “No women in the grow”—which is about as forward-thinking as a rotary phone (thank you for showing us that sexism grows in not-so-happy conjunction with weed)! Cue the tiny violin 🎻
So, what do you do? Cry a river? Perhaps. Or maybe you take the 100 bucks he hands you, thinking, “What a classy move!” You thought to yourself, “Oh, look, here is a literal dollar bill representing all the barriers against women in cannabis just for me to conveniently stuff down my pain like a bad burrito!” (Apologies to burritos everywhere!)
Fast forward ten years and surprise! Contrary to popular belief, it turns out women are not only capable of growing amazing weed, they can also triple the hilarity ratio at any cannabis convo. Who knew? And just as the memes about toxic masculinity find a cozy home on the internet, the cannabis industry marches forward with their catchy strain names like MILF and Dirty Girl—because obviously, nothing says classy like a bud that requires a parental advisory sticker! 🙄
Now, whilst Hollywood is embroiled in #MeToo dramas, and Washington is predictably chaotic, the cannabis cult may have missed the memo! Misogyny should NOT be the default setting, thank you very much! In the vast, complicated world of cannabis culture, it’s alarming that two former employees had to sue a grow for telling them, “It’s called Jungle Boys … for a reason!” Oh yes, the irony! Because nothing says “progressive business” like zero representation and a marketing strategy that belongs in a bad 80s movie. 🦍💼
And here comes 2024 with a drama bomb: a lawsuit claiming that social equity regulations in New York are discriminatory against—you guessed it—white men! Shocking gasp! They finally figured out that men just CAN’T catch a break, especially with their ever-looming risk of not serving on the “token male” committee! 🙈
As the brave new world of cannabis opens more dispensaries—one featuring a stripper pole because apparently joints and lap dances are “historic”—you must wonder: Are we really trying to applicable pot to female empowerment or just proving that the patriarchy doesn’t know when to quit? And who thought putting the lamp shade in the middle of a dispensary floor was a good idea? Maybe they’d like to fashion themselves as the “Table of Women” soon!
This is all happening while women comprise only about one-third of cannabis consumers and our needs are treated like the optional napkins at a cannabis-fueled buffet. Yes, forget a seat at the table! They’d rather use women as actual furniture—because apparently we’re not just here for the smoke but for decoration too!
To conclude this saga of green and gender: Women are claiming space in the pot world like the queens they are! So, while the industry wrestles with its internalized sexism, we can safely puff away in our home-grown freedom with joint in hand, proving that the stigma will probably smoke itself out eventually. 🌱✨
In the wise words of a feminist cannabis enthusiast somewhere in the universe: “Why prioritize a male gaze when you can create an entire kingdom of green without it?”
Buckle up, folks! The adventure hasn’t ended; it’s just getting lit! 🚀😜
🚨 Disclaimer Alert! 🚨
Before you start drafting conspiracy theories on your fridge with magnets—just know this is satire! For the actual, no-nonsense, non-bong-infused version of this news story, head over to , www.denverpost.com (where facts wear suits and don’t tell jokes).
We highly recommend reading both versions—one for the truth, and one for the chaotic energy you didn’t know you needed. 😆🔥
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