🎉🚀 BREAKING: Study Reveals Shocking New Workout Plan That’s High on Motivation 🚀🎉
In a ground-breaking discovery that we absolutely saw coming, University of Colorado Boulder researchers (who were definitely not taking a breather on a mountain high) have confirmed that 80% of cannabis users feel compelled to blend their workout routines with a little bit of Mary Jane. Yes, you read that right! Forget protein shakes—apparently, it’s all about puff-puff-pass before the treadmill. 🏋️♂️💨
In their exquisite scientific venture, dubbed “Operation High and Mighty,” the researchers unearthed a “first-of-a-kind study” that found blazing up before hitting the gym doesn’t just make you feel like a yoga master – it actually amplifies your motivation and joy! Who knew that getting stoned could lead to getting swole? 🙆♂️
Picture this: 42 brave souls hopped on treadmills for 30 minutes, presumably wondering how they ended up there instead of munching on nachos on their couches. After a lovely toke, these fitness gurus found that, wild enough, time flew like a pizza delivery, and exercise inexplicably felt tougher. Shocking! Who could’ve guessed that dragging yourself through a 30-minute jog would feel like an Olympic marathon when you’re seeing double? 🎩🏃♀️
According to the research sages, the phenomenon known as the “runner’s high” has been hijacked by goodies already lurking in your brain—apparently, those brain chemicals are just waiting for an invitation to the gym party. Forget about the fact that the majority of these studies begin with the participants likely being blissed out and probably theorizing they could outrun a cheetah. In the minds of these athletes, it’s not about the “runner’s high,” it’s about the “snacker’s high”—where one becomes one with all the kale chips in the universe. 🐭🥬
When split into two groups—Team CBD and Team THC (because what great experiment doesn’t need a little separation of stoners?)—the researchers observed that CBD users found themselves on a euphoric wave, while the THC folks felt more like their bodies had been placed in a blender set to “frappe.” Surprising, right? It’s almost as if telling an easily distractible stoner to be productive while on the couch is met with mixed reviews.
“Across the board, participants reported greater enjoyment and an intense euphoria, really bringing a whole new meaning to the phrase ‘just chilling,’” beamed Laurel Gibson, head researcher and probable candidate for stoner in chief. 🙃🤷♂️
The big takeaway? Cannabis before exercise is like adding a cherry on top of an already confusing sundae—overall delightful, but definitely not performance-enhancing. As Angela Bryan, one of the research masterminds, put it: “We’re still far from claiming cannabis as any sort of miraculous pre-workout. Unless, of course, your workout routine consists of searching for the remote while sitting on the couch.” 🎮🍕
So, there you have it! Next time you see someone sweating profusely while grinning like they just found the secret to eternal happiness, remember – they might just be a part of this whimsical research study. And if that doesn’t help get people off their couches, well, who knows? Maybe an enhanced line of cannabis-infused fitness gear is on the horizon. “Run stoned, feel ‘toned’!” sounds like a totally reasonable slogan, right? 🔥💪
Stay fit, stay frosty! 🤙🥳 #HighIntensityWorkouts #StonerFitnessGoals
🚨 Disclaimer Alert! 🚨
Before you start drafting conspiracy theories on your fridge with magnets—just know this is satire! For the actual, no-nonsense, non-bong-infused version of this news story, head over to , www.dailymail.co.uk (where facts wear suits and don’t tell jokes).
We highly recommend reading both versions—one for the truth, and one for the chaotic energy you didn’t know you needed. 😆🔥
0 Comments