Breaking News: President Trump’s “Should Have Never Happened” Tour Hits New Heights—And It’s Just as Hilarious as It Sounds!
Ladies and gentlemen, hold onto your hats, because the former Commander-in-Cheese, Donald Trump, is back in the headlines! And this time, it’s not for some fantastic business deal or groundbreaking political policy; it’s for his newly trademarked phrase, “It should have never happened”—a masterpiece of denial that captures his presidency like a hiccup in a high-stakes poker game. Seriously, it’s like he’s running a one-man show titled, “Who Me? Blame the Virus, the Immigrants, and Just About Everyone Else!”
Throughout his four-year reality TV gig at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Trump used this phrase more often than he used sunscreen on his famously peeling visage. “It should have never happened,” he lamented when the world faced a pandemic that turned every grocery store into a gladiator arena for toilet paper. “The China virus was sent to us,” he declared, likely while holding a half-eaten cheeseburger, as if he believed the universe was targeting him personally. Sorry, Donald—Elon Musk might’ve been able to launch a rocket into space, but sending a virus just for you? That’s even beyond SpaceX’s mission.
And oh, you’d think that would be enough melodrama for one administration! But, wait! Just when you thought it couldn’t get crazier, he also addressed the Capitol riot like a parent watching a toddler throw a tantrum: “We love you, you’re very special,” he told the rioters, while the rest of us were just like, “Um, are we sure he’s not talking about his golf clubs?” Apparently, those folks had the enthusiasm of a college football game, but instead of a trophy, they were going for a side of complete chaos.
But let’s talk about Trump’s knack for dodging responsibility like he’s playing an Olympic-level game of dodgeball. Whether he’s blaming the vaccine rollout, the weather, or that one time a butterfly flapped its wings, you can count on him to maneuver away from ownership faster than a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat! It’s practically performance art at this point.
In fact, his administration has garnered a unique accolade: more “excess deaths” than any previous president! Who even knew that was a competition? It wasn’t a sequel to “Mad Max”; it was just, well… “The Trump Chronicles.” If this were a video game, the screen would pop up with “Game Over” right about now.
And just to put a cherry on this sundae of bewilderment, let’s remember that while the country was grappling with more losses than a marathon runner on a 5-mile track, Trump was entertaining the idea of injecting disinfectant to combat COVID. You know, because nothing screams “medical genius” like rushing off to the hardware store for some bleach and a needle! It’s no wonder there are memes poking fun at this thought process; people were practically laughing through tears.
As a fitting end to this wild saga, the phrase “It should have never happened” is clinging to Trump’s legacy like that stubborn piece of spinach stuck between your teeth after a fancy dinner—unavoidable and a little embarrassing. He’s managed to turn political responsibility into a game of “Pin the Blame on the Donkey,” and somehow we’re all watching this ridiculous show, popcorn in hand.
So here’s to hoping that the next season of American politics involves less drama, more accountability, and characters who know how to take responsibility for their actions—preferably ones that aren’t binge-watching their own press conferences. Until then, we’ll just have to laugh it off with our absurd reality. Remember, folks, “It should have never happened”—but boy, are we glad it did… for the entertainment value!
🚨 Disclaimer Alert! 🚨
Before you start drafting conspiracy theories on your fridge with magnets—just know this is satire! For the actual, no-nonsense, non-bong-infused version of this news story, head over to , thebaffler.com (where facts wear suits and don’t tell jokes).
We highly recommend reading both versions—one for the truth, and one for the chaotic energy you didn’t know you needed. 😆🔥
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