BREAKING: Alabama Gets a THC Seltzer that Probably Won’t Solve Your Life Problems, But Hey, It’s a Beverage!
In a thrilling twist to the ongoing saga of "Why Not?" two childhood pals from Birmingham, Harris Stewart and Hunter Lake, have birthed something that could only be described as the strange love child of sparkling water and your favorite high school friend’s questionable life choices: a new THC beverage called Sunbird. Apparently, they got tired of discussing the weather and decided it was high time to inject some buzz into Alabama’s drink repertoire!
Yes, folks, this glorious creation is not your grandma’s medicinal tonic—it’s a light THC-infused seltzer meant to elevate your “fun” level from “napping on the couch” to “mildly cheerful!” Coming in at a hefty 3mg of Delta-9 THC and a matching sprinkle of CBG, it promises a “gentle buzz” without the terrifying consequences of a Friday night tequila binge. Because who wouldn’t trade in their lonely box of wine for a sparkly can of hope?
The genius duo of Stewart, formerly of some “PDF-stapling” company called Trim Tab, and Lake, whose experience includes a stint at Avondale Brewing, are the pioneers of this “life-changing” liquid. They’re not just pitching Sunbird as a drink; they see it as a movement—a way to wrest control over the poor choices made with Bud Light at 2 AM on a Tuesday.
Stewart insists that “people shouldn’t have to choose between fun and health.” Right, because instead of making the obvious distinction of enjoying hobbies reasonably, we’d rather just add THC to everything. Next up: THC-infused kale smoothies—because why not?
And, oh wait, there’s more! This carnival of wellness is designed for folks seeking help with “pain relief, inflammation, sleep problems, and a desire to avoid awkward family dinners.” Because why suffer the indignity of talking about your life choices when you can sip on your fizzy friend Sunbird and just float through it all?
But don’t get too excited, world! Each can is like a light sneeze in a field of daisies. If you’ve got high hopes for a wild night out, you might want to rethink—this drink is compliant with the 2018 Farm Bill. Yes, folks, that’s the same Farm Bill that removed hemp from being classified as marijuana, so you can legally sip your serenity while feeling simultaneously superior and mildly confused about the state of the universe.
As Sunbird rolls out its fizzy magic across central Alabama—with dreams of Mississippi, Tennessee, Georgia, and Florida joining the party by year’s end—remember: it’s here to provide a guilt-free cure to the “what’s wrong with me” crisis we like to call adulthood. So raise your can of Sunbird and toast to that golden moment of fleeting happiness—because who needs real problem-solving when you have seltzer that sort of claims to be good for you?
So, buckle up, Alabama! Your future of mildly enchanting THC seltzers is here, paving the way for a life where your most pressing concerns can be happily washed down with a “medicinal” bubbly. Cheers! 🍻✨
🚨 Disclaimer Alert! 🚨
Before you start drafting conspiracy theories on your fridge with magnets—just know this is satire! For the actual, no-nonsense, non-bong-infused version of this news story, head over to , www.yahoo.com (where facts wear suits and don’t tell jokes).
We highly recommend reading both versions—one for the truth, and one for the chaotic energy you didn’t know you needed. 😆🔥
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