Title: University of Calgary’s Law Faculty: The Fresh Prince of Poop
Pull up a chair and grab your best nose plug, folks, because it’s time to dive into the distinctly aromatic escapades of the University of Calgary’s Faculty of Law. Spoiler alert: it smells worse than a dumpster fire behind a Taco Bell!
So here’s the rundown: the third and fourth-floor ladies’ bathrooms in Murray Fraser Hall have transformed into a full-blown olfactory assault zone. Yes, folks, this is not your standard “just came from a high-fiber lunch” smell; we’re talking a super-scented, five-alarm stink of despair that’s been brewing for “quite some time.” How charming!
Enter Mark Shearer, the brave Students’ Union law representative. After receiving an anonymous tip from a student who must have risked life and nose to venture into those toxic stalls, he boldly stood before the Students’ Legislative Council to reveal the truth: those bathrooms are a straight-up crime scene of plumbing woes! It’s as if the pipes were faking it in a horror movie, but the only thing they’re scaring away is a healthy bathroom experience.
Andrea MacLean, a valiant third-year law student and self-proclaimed bathroom avoider, has gone above and beyond the call of duty to report this malodorous madness. "The middle toilet is a constant source of chaos," she lamented. Honestly, it sounds like that toilet has declared a rebel war against hygiene. We can only imagine it shouting, “Dare to flush me, peasant?”
Hold on to your cologne, because Boris Dragecevicz—the university’s associate vice-president of facilities development—broke it down like a janitorial Sherlock Holmes. Apparently, the issue lies within some original pipes that connect the ladies’ throne of terror to the adjacent men’s room. Talk about a plumbing mix-up that’s gone rogue! Dragecevicz assured us that this “unresolved” trouble has been under investigation since February, which is basically like letting a raccoon stay at your house because you think it’ll sort itself out.
Oh, and didn’t we all just love the bold admission from Dean Ian Holloway? “The short version is the bathroom stinks,” he said, delivering that line like a Shakespearean actor unveiling the dagger in a tragic play. Bravo! In a world where personal safety takes priority, it appears that preventing a bathroom from smelling like a mausoleum falls a little lower on the university’s to-do list—with their priority queue apparently being: 1. Personal Safety, 2. The Law Library Snack Bar, and 373. Fixing the “Fragrance of Failure” in the bathrooms.
Dragecevicz claims they’re trying to get an estimate for the repairs faster than a procrastinating student cramming for finals, but when that will happen is anyone’s guess. Will the bathrooms be fixed before the next ice age? Who knows! But until then, let’s all raise a glass (preferably not in the bathroom) to the brave souls venturing into the depths of Murray Fraser Hall’s bathroom hell. And remember, folks, if you’re planning to attend law school here, just bring your own air fresheners and a strong will!
We’re sure it’ll make for some exhilarating courtroom stories one day. “So, Counsel, what was your most challenging case?” “Oh, you know, that time I had to argue in the schnoz-challenged chambers of law!” 🥴🚽✨
🚨 Disclaimer Alert! 🚨
Before you start drafting conspiracy theories on your fridge with magnets—just know this is satire! For the actual, no-nonsense, non-bong-infused version of this news story, head over to , thegauntlet.ca (where facts wear suits and don’t tell jokes).
We highly recommend reading both versions—one for the truth, and one for the chaotic energy you didn’t know you needed. 😆🔥
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