Introducing the Latest Pageant: Miss Marijuana – Where Every Single (Literal) Woman Is a Candidate! 🌿👑
Ladies and gentlemen, gather ‘round and remove your hats, because we’re witnessing a spectacular leap into the 1970s with the debut of America’s newest beauty pageant, Miss Marijuana! Yes, you heard correctly. It’s a beauty contest where the qualifications are simpler than the ingredients in a microwave meal—contestants must merely be "a single, natural-born woman." Apparently, the pageant’s motto is, "Why evolve when you can just roll?"
Let’s dive into this scintillating spectacle, where beauty meets… well, more beauty! The pageant aims to showcase the “fun-loving young women” of America, who are all apparently just one good hair day away from running for office. The official blurb describes the contestants as “the girl-next-door”—you know, the one who drops by to borrow your lawn mower and then winds up taking it for a joyride to Vegas with a tiara on her head and a cannabis leaf in hand. Talk about home improvement!
What’s the Deal with the Criteria? 🤔
Now, if you think you may have qualified to enter this prestigious competition, put away your dating profile! Miss Marijuana specifies that you must be between the ages of 18 and 30 and don’t even think about bringing your complex life experience to the show—unless you’ve had multiple comedic breakups, which we all know is a requirement for the “single” status around here.
Even more confusing, it’s not mandatory to actually use cannabis—so if you’re just a fan of legalizing it while sipping on your vegan kale smoothie, you’re in! Contestants don’t even need to utilize the "fun" element of the event; just stay cute and available, folks!
But Wait, There’s More! ✨
Fearing that their offerings might come off as a mere excuse for ‘beauty standards in 2023,’ the pageant insists winners will not only take home the prestigious title of Miss Marijuana but also a shiny new car—perfect for driving to her ex’s house to remind him who really won life. And what a beauty it is, too! Picture a Jeep plastered with “Miss Marijuana” like a proud parent advertising their toddler’s talent show entry—sweet and utterly cringe-worthy.
Oh, and did I mention the grand prize is a $25,000 cash award? That’s right! Enough money to maybe afford a therapist after realizing that your best career choice was participating in a beauty contest that sounds like a long-forgotten episode of “The Real World.”
Criticism? Who Needs That! 😅
Cue the backlash! Critics are lining up faster than you can say “What year is this?” with claims of sexism and outdated guidelines hotter than a summer in Phoenix. Lisa Campbell, CEO of something important, took to Twitter to express her disbelief: “I was going to say this pageant is as inappropriate as wine-in-a-box beauty contests until I read it’s actually a thing. Bravo!”
And what does the president of this iconic institution, Howard R. Baer, have to say in defense? He claims he’s as "progressive" as a rotary phone navigating Tinder, expressing that rules are just suggestions! “If you used to be married, that’s fine!” he says, as if trying to resurrect the playbook from a 70s sitcom.
In Conclusion
So there you have it, folks—a beauty pageant that feels like a bad sitcom pilot, and it’s coming to a stage near you! Stay tuned for contestants who will undoubtedly bring heartwarming quotes about love and empowerment, all while being judged on their ability to navigate a personal interview, a swimsuit round, and an evening gown competition like they’re auditioning for the role of ‘funniest unintentional comedy of the century.’
Let’s raise a glass (of clean, perfectly legal water)! Here’s to all the ladies brave enough to compete in Miss Marijuana—may the odds be ever in their favor to remain single and ride off into the sunset! 🥂✨
🚨 Disclaimer Alert! 🚨
Before you start drafting conspiracy theories on your fridge with magnets—just know this is satire! For the actual, no-nonsense, non-bong-infused version of this news story, head over to , www.independent.co.uk (where facts wear suits and don’t tell jokes).
We highly recommend reading both versions—one for the truth, and one for the chaotic energy you didn’t know you needed. 😆🔥
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