Attention All UFO Enthusiasts: A Shocking Discovery! 🚨👽
Do you ever sit down with a bowl of popcorn, kick your feet up, and ponder the real pressing issues of our time, like, “Where have all the aliens been hiding?” Well, grab that tinfoil hat now; Inverse has gone ahead and crunched all the numbers from a whopping 208 episodes of The X-Files! Yes, folks, that’s right! We’ve conducted a scientific analysis so rigorous that even your high school math teacher would dry heave in jealousy.
In their endless quest to answer the burning question, “Which state should I avoid at all costs during a UFO sighting?” Inverse discovered a shocking revelation: if you’re anywhere near Washington D.C.—the alien hotspot of the universe—consider yourself living in an X-Files episode! We’re talking about 21 paranormal incidents that practically scream, “Abduct me, please!” 🛸💨
But let’s face it, the true MVPs in the “Where the Heck is Mulder?” game are Maryland and Virginia. You’d think they were just regular states, but no! They’ve clearly set the stage for all things spooky simply because they’re within walking distance of our government’s finest (and possibly otherworldly) bureaucrats. Imagine Mulder and Scully crafting elaborate ghost plans while simultaneously handling international crises! What a power couple!
Now, shout out to Pennsylvania and California for being the other unexpected contenders in this alien-infested bingo game, each boasting a respectable 13 major paranormal incidents. Pennsylvania, the state that might just be trying too hard, serves up that classic combination of major cities and deeply weird backwoods vibes—because who wouldn’t want to run into Bigfoot on their way to work? Meanwhile, California—where Scully and Mulder visit more experts than a reality TV show contestant—continues to attract UFOs the same way influencers attract followers. 🙌
Surprise, surprise! The Pacific Northwest is getting some recognition for being a little spooky too! If you thought the eerie vibe from the Twin Peaks reboot was a coincidence, think again! But here’s the kicker: New Mexico, aka the ALIEN CAPITAL of the world, had ONLY TWO episodes! Must be some sort of cosmic joke from the X-Files writers—like when you keep ordering takeout but forget to actually eat it!
And what’s this about the Northeast and Mid-Atlantic? Apparently, they just don’t want to believe. They’d rather sip pumpkin spice lattes and question the existence of extraterrestrials!
All in all, The X-Files gave us the ultimate road trip itinerary for dodging aliens; just avoid Virginia like the fluorescent-lit plague that it is! Remember kids: the truth is out there, but it’s probably hiding in some desolate Western state that even Google Maps can’t find. Stay tuned for our next installment: “Are Ghosts Just Lonely People with Too Much Time on Their Hands?” 👻✨
🚨 Disclaimer Alert! 🚨
Before you start drafting conspiracy theories on your fridge with magnets—just know this is satire! For the actual, no-nonsense, non-bong-infused version of this news story, head over to , www.inverse.com (where facts wear suits and don’t tell jokes).
We highly recommend reading both versions—one for the truth, and one for the chaotic energy you didn’t know you needed. 😆🔥
0 Comments