*Quinnipiac University Adds Groundbreaking Class: "Sht Happens" – Because Why Not?**
In an earth-shattering revelation that has the academic world spinning faster than your toilet bowl after Taco Tuesday, Quinnipiac University has decided to dive headfirst into the world of human waste with their glamorous new class titled “AN 272 — Shit Happens: A Natural History of Human Waste.” That’s right, folks. Flush your preconceived notions down the drain because this groundbreaking anthropology course is about to change the way we look at our daily business—literally!
Led by the daring Dr. Jaime Ullinger, this course promises to take students on an odyssey through the fascinating life cycle of poop—because who hasn’t dreamed of inspecting their own biological byproducts while earning college credit? It’s like taking a trip to Disneyland, except instead of Mickey Mouse and churros, you’re wading through the depths of New Haven’s finest waste management.
Dr. Ullinger, a brave soul, boldly states, “This topic is important because it’s something people talk about every day!” Yes, because nothing says intellectual conversation starter like gaseous flatulence and the wonders of fiber intake. Prepare for thrilling discussions that will undoubtedly revolve around your latest bathroom encounter and the mysterious last meal you had before your gut decided to protest.
But wait, there’s MORE! The syllabus includes an eye-opening field trip to New Haven’s water sanitation facility. That’s right, students will finally get to see where the magical journey of their waste takes place after that satisfying flush. “You won’t believe what happens once you press that lever!” promises Ullinger. Spoiler alert: it’s not a magical unicorn parade.
Future students might study critical questions such as “What kind of food goes in?” and “How can I blame my latest bloating on ancient Romans?” It’s the intellectual equivalent of reading the back of a cereal box, but with fewer carbohydrates and a bit more nuance—perfect for those with a flair for the dramatic.
Though rumors say that some students may be squeamish about discussing fecal matters (gasp!), Ullinger assures them that sharing personal bathroom stories is completely optional. Phew! Because nothing would be more horrifying than having to encounter classmate Sam’s rundown of his five-alarm chili incident.
Supporters, like Dr. Hillary Haldane (who will not be running the class, but may peep in just to witness the magic), believes it’s fundamental to understand our food system – and by extension, how our bodies dispose of it. “We need to comprehend the outflow,” she says, echoing the sentiments of countless dinners gone wrong.
And as if the class couldn’t get any more riveting, senior biology major Asia Moundraty is already planning a TED Talk on the significance of sanitary procedures. “Is that proper flushing technique really effective enough?” she mused, probably while scrolling through TikTok videos of cute cats.
In the end, this revolutionary course is open to every major, ensuring that literally anyone can dive (!) into the deep end of anthropology. So why not grab your summer reading list, some brave snacks, and get ready to embark on this unprecedented journey? The only downside? You may never look at that family dinner quite the same way again!
Toodles and happy flushing, future fecal philosophers! 
Disclaimer Alert!
Before you start drafting conspiracy theories on your fridge with magnets—just know this is satire! For the actual, no-nonsense, non-bong-infused version of this news story, head over to , quchronicle.com (where facts wear suits and don’t tell jokes).
We highly recommend reading both versions—one for the truth, and one for the chaotic energy you didn’t know you needed. 
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