Breaking News: The Quest for CBD’s Butt-Delivery System!
It was a classic "Monday morning" — that time of week where optimism takes a sharp dive into the abyss, and coffee becomes our only lifeline. But hold onto your hats (or should I say, your butt cushions!) because we’re taking a wild ride into the absurd universe of CBD suppositories. Yes, you heard that right: we’re about to explore the brave new frontier of shoving medicine where the sun doesn’t shine!
So picture this: a publicity firm, who must have recently joined the Chamber of Sudden Ideas for Fun, reached out for some “volunteers” to try out CBD suppositories. That’s right, these aren’t just any medicine delivery system. We’re talking about little cocoa butter missiles aimed at your backside, designed to make you feel better — if you’re willing to entertain the notion that they belong in the same realm as a Sunday barbecue and family game night. Because nothing says "family bonding" quite like discussing which of you has bravely taken the plunge into the world of butt drugs.
CBD suppositories are the brainchild of a cannabis industry trying to convince us that blending medicine with a backdoor entry makes perfect sense. They want to market it as “the next big thing,” while everyone else is standing by, looking horrified, like they just discovered what “pushing the envelope” really means. Sure, they work quickly, hitting your bloodstream faster than an email in a Monday morning inbox—but why do they have to be “inserted” through the most notorious exit in the human body?
Imagine the pitch meeting: “Alright, folks, we need to reach those consumers who really want to feel the effects of our product fast. And I’ve got it! REKT delivery system! We’ll just need people to, uh, abandon all dignity in the process!” Genius, right?
Then enters our hapless hero, the intern named David—who clearly skipped the "How to Say No" class in college. The plan? Offer him $200 to become a human guinea pig for “scientific” research. “All you have to do,” the boss says, “is shove these little cocoa butter wonders up your rear end and let me know how it goes!” Because who wouldn’t want to be the star of Butt Inject My CBD: A Shocking Experiment?
Spoiler alert: David’s results are in, folks. He writes back, subject titled “Dumb Butts” (clearly the intern’s morale is way up!). He details his journey—a saga filled with discomfort and existential dread. “Why,” he muses, “would anyone ever decide this was the best way to get their medicine?” Oh, the humanity! His valued sanity could’ve stayed intact—but no. Instead, he opted for the art of the “butt probe,” and he likely won’t recover for weeks (if ever).
Dear readers, it’s time we unite and join the movement against this nonsensical trend. Let’s not allow another generation to fall victim to the notion that medicine belongs in the most unconventional places. Instead of butt medicine, let’s stick to traditional delivery systems—like gummies, drinks, or a good old-fashioned joint that doesn’t require a map and a set of instructions.
So, folks, if you see CBD suppositories being marketed in your local dispensary, just remember: sometimes, it’s best to keep the medicine below the belt—and your dignity securely above.
As they say: “Let’s all come in through the back door… just not that way!” 💩🥳
🚨 Disclaimer Alert! 🚨
Before you start drafting conspiracy theories on your fridge with magnets—just know this is satire! For the actual, no-nonsense, non-bong-infused version of this news story, head over to , www.forbes.com (where facts wear suits and don’t tell jokes).
We highly recommend reading both versions—one for the truth, and one for the chaotic energy you didn’t know you needed. 😆🔥
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