Title: Carlotta: The Unlikely Star of "Didn’t Nobody Give a Shit What Happened to Carlotta," or How to Ace Re-Entry with Style and Sass!
In an absolutely riveting literary adventure, James Hannaham has graced us with a book that’s more loaded than an overstuffed burrito on Taco Tuesday! Meet Carlotta Mercedes, the transgender Colombian dynamo who’s just waltzed back into the world after a 20-year "vacation" at the prison spa. That’s right, folks—while you’ve been binge-watching your favorite shows, Carlotta has been honing her skills in the fine arts of survival, dodging bullets (literally), and meticulously perfecting the art of not wiping her own ass. Yes, you read that correctly.
In Didn’t Nobody Give a Shit What Happened to Carlotta, set in the roaring chaos of New York City in 2015, Carlotta emerges from behind bars like a butterfly from a cocoon, if that butterfly was armed with street smarts and an attitude that could shatter glass. Why? Because after two decades of prison cuisine, she’s ready to conquer the globe—or at least her high school reunion.
When we first meet her, Carlotta’s all about that “flipping out like Stevie Wonder getting his sight back” energy. She’s busting out of prison feeling more liberated than a bald eagle on the Fourth of July, shouting “Free at last, thank God almighty we free at last!” as her once-cooped-up titties breathe their freedom. Can I get a round of applause for titties living their best lives!?
Carlotta’s journey is replete with nail-biting tension (and not just from the prison food). She’s facing a parole hearing as if it were her final audition for a spot on Broadway. Spoiler alert: she blows past the hurdles like a cheetah on roller skates. Because who wouldn’t favor her over “white cripples”? (Because, let’s face it, in the grand game of parole hearings, that’s a tough crowd, y’all!)
However, her tale isn’t just a laugh-a-minute romp; underneath the giggles, there’s some heavy stuff lurking like an unwanted house guest you can’t shake. Carlotta’s story includes some dark memories from her time in prison—elements that hit harder than a New Yorker’s cab fare. But fear not! Far from dampening the mood, her words glide over the serious stuff like butter on hot toast, managing to deepen the reader’s appreciation and connection without needing a PhD in Emotional Sympathy.
So, whether she’s wrestling with her past, attempting to apply for a job (which is a whole other comedic catastrophe), or enjoying a family reunion that’s more chaotic than a Sunday family dinner, Carlotta proves that life after prison isn’t just something you read about; it’s an odyssey fraught with absurdities, survival tactics, and pure unfiltered joy.
As Carlotta herself proclaims, “Every last second a this shit be crazy beautiful an I love life.” And honestly, can we get her a medal for that outlook? Because with a personality more colorful than a box of crayons, Carlotta isn’t just surviving—she’s thriving, creating a reality where even the most outrageous plot twists seem like par for the course.
So grab your heart (and perhaps some tissues), because this sardonic narrative is here to remind you that life’s a messy, beautiful thing—and let’s be real, everyone could use a little Carlotta in their lives. As for the book? It’s published by Europa Editions and will leave you saying, “Didn’t nobody give a shit? Well, now I do!”
Get your copy today, because who wouldn’t want a front-row seat to the wild ride of Carlotta’s rebirth?
🚨 Disclaimer Alert! 🚨
Before you start drafting conspiracy theories on your fridge with magnets—just know this is satire! For the actual, no-nonsense, non-bong-infused version of this news story, head over to , www.theguardian.com (where facts wear suits and don’t tell jokes).
We highly recommend reading both versions—one for the truth, and one for the chaotic energy you didn’t know you needed. 😆🔥
0 Comments