Breaking News: Senator “Bato” Dela Rosa Believes Collateral Damage Is Just an Adorable Quirk of the Job!
In an extraordinary display of wisdom that we are certain will go down in history alongside great quotes like "I meant to do that!" Senator Ronald “Bato” dela Rosa, now a senator but once a top cop, has spilled the beans on a scandalous little secret: sometimes, during police operations, folks accidentally shoot children. Who knew, right? It’s like finding out that your favorite ice cream flavor contains… ice cream.
In a truly heartwarming comment that would make any parent feel better about childhood trauma, Dela Rosa reassured the world, saying, “Sabi ko nga, it’s an imperfect world… Shit happens!” Oh, what a relief! So, apparently, in this magical wonderland of police operations, we can safely assume that fender benders, dog attacks, and accidental high-fives to the face are all just part of daily life.
But wait, there’s more! Our charming ‘Bato’ took a moment to ponder the age-old question: “Who on Earth wants children caught in a shootout?” He answered with the zeal of a caffeinated motivational speaker: “Never!” That’s right, folks! Thank you, Bato, for clearing that up. We can now rest easy knowing that everyone knows that shooting at suspects while a child is present is, like, super duper not ideal.
In an apparent masterpiece of tactical planning, Police Senior Master Sergeant Conrado Cabigao decided to go undercover for a drug bust, which sounds exciting until you realize he was shot in the neck and a THREE-YEAR-OLD was tragically shot in the head. Comedy gold right there, am I right? (Disclaimer: Not at all funny and genuinely tragic.)
Oh, but let’s not be too harsh! Dela Rosa, with the dignified grace of a man trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube by smashing it with a hammer, suggested drafting a law that says cops should maybe steer clear of engaging in gunplay where children are involved. Novel idea there, Senator! Next, maybe we can draft a law against running with scissors?
Dela Rosa is also hell-bent on informing us that the war on drugs is going swimmingly, like a toddler in a bathtub full of jelly beans. “Relative ang pagtingin natin diyan!” or “How we see it is relative!” he proclaimed, which is a comforting and completely vague way of saying, “Well, it could be worse!” Sure, there are only 5,050 dead drug suspects, but look at those numbers! (Human rights groups say the real count is over 20,000, but why let facts ruin a good story?)
In summary, Senator Bato Dela Rosa is here to remind us that in the wild world of policing, human errors and tragic outcomes are just part of the job description! Who needs empathy when you have sarcasm and legislative suggestions? So let’s raise a glass (or perhaps a safety manual) to our heroes in blue—may they increasingly prioritize the safety of toddlers and maybe consider leaving the guns at home.
Remember, folks: If you’re selling illegal substances, please do it in a child-free zone. Thank you for your cooperation!
For context, always refer to the full article! Don’t worry, it’s only a sad bedtime story.
🚨 Disclaimer Alert! 🚨
Before you start drafting conspiracy theories on your fridge with magnets—just know this is satire! For the actual, no-nonsense, non-bong-infused version of this news story, head over to , www.rappler.com (where facts wear suits and don’t tell jokes).
We highly recommend reading both versions—one for the truth, and one for the chaotic energy you didn’t know you needed. 😆🔥
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