🎸Introducing “Mighty Croz”: The Ultimate Boomer Bud 🌿💨
In a revelation that has left absolutely no one surprised, 76-year-old musical treasure and part-time resident of the ’60s, David Crosby, is officially aiming to crank his bong business into high gear. That’s right, folks! He’s launching a cannabis line with the totally unoriginal name “Mighty Croz.” I mean, why stop at a catchy name when you can just throw your own name on it and wrap it in groovy nostalgia?
Picture this: David Crosby, sitting there with a gleam in his eye and a cloud of smoke wafting through the air, declares to the universe, “I’m going for the highest quality!” Ah yes, the same guy who once thought hanging out with Joni Mitchell and experimenting with various “herbal enhancements” in California was a solid day’s work. Crosby, who has been friends with Mary Jane longer than most relationships last, is sure he’s found his calling because… drumroll, please… “it’s fun.” 🌈
Now, don’t worry, this isn’t just any random weed; this is “premium” high-grade Croz-formance cannabis that promises to deliver an experience so legendary you’ll think you’re doing the “Stairway to Heaven” dance while wearing bell-bottoms. Crosby’s psychedelic plan revolves around attracting more baby boomers than your mother’s Facebook friend requests for the latest political memes. Either that or he’s just aiming to keep his groupies nicely buzzed while reminiscing about the good old days when “getting loaded” meant something else entirely.
Crosby, a well-documented aficionado of amateur drug experiences that ended with prison time (go David!), wants to make sure that no one gets any unpleasant tastes in their mouth when they’re climbing the high of history. Well, Claude Monet of marijuana, he aims to partner with a leading cannabis brand with about as much finesse as a drummer trying to solo on a xylophone. Forget traditional methods; this man prefers vaping homegrown flowers because, you know, clean extract! With a past involving a few questionable substances, it’s great to see he’s advocating for a drug that doesn’t take you on a 5-month vacation to the big house.
Crosby whimsically articulates his love for good ol’ ganja, saying, "It’s much better for people than the other available ways to get loaded.” Right, because humanity’s history of alcohol consumption and fermentation is just a long-winded quest for that spectacularly strong pot he used to score in non-tropical Canada—hello, “Kootenay Thunderfuck.” As he recalls that epic experience, I can only imagine the face palm of every ‘responsible adult’ in his vicinity who was wondering why they decided to hang out with this dude that day.
And in a stroke of genius reminiscent of ‘80s infomercials, he’s not just shooting for the hippies but also their offsprings! Yes, the children of the boomers, who might think that “Mighty Croz” sounds like a fun game at a family gathering, are also on his marketing radar. Meanwhile, the industry consolidation ambitions from Crosby are starting to hint at a modern-day medieval tournament where only the best brands survive—or in this case, the ones with the sweetest strains, as he anticipates the eventual standoff for who gets the most lucrative turf in the great cannabis land grab.
So, buckle up, Boomers! It looks like the next big concert isn’t headlined by The Byrds, but by the curious connoisseur himself: David “Mighty Croz” Crosby! You’ll get to enjoy the most exhilarating buzz since 1969. Just remember, you heard it here first, and grab your “Mighty Croz,” because this is the strain you’ll want to be taking with you back on those nostalgic caravan trips down memory lane. 🌌✌️
🚨 Disclaimer Alert! 🚨
Before you start drafting conspiracy theories on your fridge with magnets—just know this is satire! For the actual, no-nonsense, non-bong-infused version of this news story, head over to , hightimes.com (where facts wear suits and don’t tell jokes).
We highly recommend reading both versions—one for the truth, and one for the chaotic energy you didn’t know you needed. 😆🔥
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