Harrison Ford Doesn’t Care That His Latest Indiana Jones Movie Flopped (And Neither Should You!)
In a shocking twist straight out of the “Do We Even Care Anymore?” handbook, Harrison Ford, the archetypal rough-and-tumble archaeologist sparking joy since the ‘80s, has casually dropped a bombshell: he doesn’t give a flying boulder that Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny crashed and burned at the box office! That’s right—this movie managed to rake in a whopping $380 million, leaving Disney still feeling like they just opened the Ark of the Covenant full of bills instead of gold!
In a recent round of “Harrison Ford Interview Bingo” with the Wall Street Journal, the 82-year-old icon wasn’t about to hop onto a crashing plane of regret. Instead, he attended said crash with a beverage in hand, saying, “Shit happens.” You know, just your average response to a multi-million dollar flop, like casually flicking crumbs off a table after Thanksgiving dinner. “I really felt there was another story to tell.” Because who doesn’t want to see an aging archaeologist try to defy the laws of gravity and logic—oh wait, that’s exactly what we’d expect from Indiana Jones!
When pressed about the film’s reception, the megastar gleefully donned his Indiana fedora and mumbled something ambiguous about picking Indy up, shaking the dust off, and “sticking him out there.” Presumably, by "out there," he meant another failed box office where dust bunnies are the only things making big bank (or bigger than Disney, at least). But it’s all good in Ford’s world! His emotional investment was all that mattered—take note, aspiring film directors; emotional investment is the new script!
Ford also took the time to laud the art of performance over the soulless nature of AI, quipping that Hollywood doesn’t need to “steal” his spirit like a last-minute looter at a bad yard sale. Instead, he suggested that using “good talent” would suffice, which sounds suspiciously optimistic, like telling a kid there are no monsters under their bed right before a horror flick rolls credits.
He even pointed to Troy Baker’s performance in the latest Indiana Jones video game as evidence that talent reigns supreme! Sure, the game will likely be more successful than the movie, and no doubt Baker’s rendition of Indy didn’t involve running from angry Nazis or dodging CGI boulders that could crush a small car—but at least it didn’t bomb!
And while Ford predicted a future filled with fresh new faces ready to sound eerily similar to him (as if the world is waiting for “Cheap Harrison Ford Voice” at the local pizza parlor), he assured fans that there’s no need for digital Harrison Fords. Why? “There will always be new actors in the future.” Yes, and there will also always be new ways to flop a franchise while sending nostalgic fans into spirals of existential dread.
So grab your popcorn, folks! Whether you’re riding high on nostalgia or flailing over the grave of another beloved franchise, Harrison Ford is here, sitting peacefully beside the ruins of his cinematic legacy, unbothered. After all, it’s just another day in the archaeological park of Hollywood tragedy—and Ford is ready for another idle adventure!
🚨 Disclaimer Alert! 🚨
Before you start drafting conspiracy theories on your fridge with magnets—just know this is satire! For the actual, no-nonsense, non-bong-infused version of this news story, head over to , kotaku.com (where facts wear suits and don’t tell jokes).
We highly recommend reading both versions—one for the truth, and one for the chaotic energy you didn’t know you needed. 😆🔥
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